Self care
I recently got reminded that I have been neglecting self care for myself. The reminder came in the form of a psychometric assessment report which I am really glad that I had the opportunity to do. I was very shocked to learn that as it came across several times in the report.
I was also shocked to realise that I do not know what is my next step to do to take care of myself. I know that I should do things that I enjoy. I also should take care of my own health. I actually feel too tired to do anything. Based on the report, it could also be because I have been neglecting myself too much, that I have kinda dipped into my spare battery. Actually, that kinda made sense as well. The last few years have been very tough for me, and to say that I am tired is also a given.
I think maybe I should spend sometime alone. Just to be more in touch with myself. That is actually quite difficult, given that I am now married. I should find time to date myself.
I know that I should lose weight, to be healthier. Honestly, I have gone through this so many times and it is a fact that I am not motivated to lose weight. I am just so “whatever”. I still get very affected whenever my own mother said that I am fat, or takes pictures of me in an unflattering top. I am more disappointed with my mum rather than motivated to lose weight. I have listed the pros and cons of losing weights numerous times. I am very aware that losing weight brings about all the advantages. Yet, I am still not motivated. I seriously do not know what is wrong with me. I know that I have bad eating habits. I like to overly stuff myself and when I am feeling upset, I eat. My food portion is also too much and bad. I am aware that the only way to lose weight is to be in caloric deficit and not to rely on whatever supplements, and I am not interested to take any supplement or dieting pills to help me lose weight – I just want to do the normal exercise and healthy eating to lose the weight permanently. I am not motivated to be in a caloric deficit state. Which is not easy because even when I thought I was eating healthier, I was not losing weight, which meant that I am not in a caloric deficit state, which means that my eating habits are bad. I was not moving much as well. I know that I will enjoy exercising, but I am not doing it, I didn’t wake up earlier to take a walk, I didn’t lift any weights. I am not motivated. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I think I didn’t like the feeling of sweating and that I have to wash hair after that, and I have to be in correct exercise attire and gear.
Anyway, I am starting to adopt better eating habits and observe myself more, especially in terms of how I feel, how my body feels. Today I struggled with not being very full for lunch and had a purple rice yogurt with it. Dinner was not too satisfying and came back a bit hungry, but i took water instead of eating.
Did not play much with Maegan today as she was cranky. Went to pray and I am glad. Got reminded that I have to believe and think of positive stuffs to manifest the positive stuffs. Quite tired and craved for solitary time – also got reminded that it is actually just take a change in thoughts/ perspective.
PS: Everything is weird, but this is my blog, I will type what I want to type for myself.
